The Checklist

When introduced to the opposite sex, for the first time; we are not quite sure how to react under the speculations we have heard from our parents. Due that being in the early years, we tend to either rebel by being friends with everybody or conform to be friends with the neat, cute, rich kids. As the years go by and our behavior gets standardized, we conform more and more to what society tells us. The brainwashing forces are everywhere, it’s what we see on TV, what we learn from our parents, what we hear from our friends and people we want to be friends with. All of these armies are united to impose an idea of who you should be in order to be considered good, successful or happy in life. One of the most important points of this shaped happiness is choosing your mate; this is when you think you need the checklist in your life.

 After graduation and sometimes during college or even high school; you are faced with the fact that everyone who thinks they are a stakeholder in your life tells you that you should be married. If marriage is considered a mission, one is ought to be ready with a criteria that will aid them filter through subjects  and follow certain processes. The criteria are often slightly changeable based on social standard and gender, but quite common in some basic aspects and quite organized to form a checklist. If you are a girl, your checklist probably has the following points: someone who is well off, a good university, a nice family, a job in a multinational corporation, good looks, an open mind and what not. If you are a guy, you most likely have these points on your list: a virgin who comes from a good family, a good education, good looks and so on. They might sound shallow, but even if their political direction is on the list; it’s still a checklist.

This checklist that everyone is walking around evaluating potential mates upon results in a set of behaviors for selection and performance conducted in the dating jungle we call 20’s and 30’s. The girls are usually rolling their eyes on any guy who earns less than a certain amount of money; they’re laughing at the bad jokes of wealthy guys and they are withholding intimacy as a symbol of honor. The guys on the other hand are throwing away any opportunity that comes with a girl who doesn’t fit their beauty standard or maybe using her till something better comes along, they are judging a girl who studied music as air headed and they think they made the smart choice by proposing to the girl who is ready to leave her job and stay home. That’s why it’s perfectly normal to ask “a girl’s hand in marriage” after seeing her a couple of times or accepting a “groom” based on your mom’s recommendation.

These choices might seem senseless, unwise and maybe even evil; but mostly the checklist holder isn't aware of that. While putting the criteria; a status is mistaken for a virtue, for example, rich is mistaken for generous, a big job is mistaken ambition, virginity is mistaken for purity and good looks are just good looks. It’s easier and faster to measure college education rather than knowledge, and it becomes more convenient for the mission that is bound to happen before you are 30 if you are woman and 35 if you are a man. The marriage mission that entails being happy for the rest of your life and is a part of your success according to the society norms, you know something to brag about in high school reunions and a couple of lavish family vacation pictures on your Instagram.

The problem is, while being consumed with the mission; one might miss on a journey of experiments.  The big shot list stands between a person and meeting interesting individuals who fall out of criteria because the checklist is covering the eye of the beholder. You might be lucky to unveil the real virtues of that potential mate before getting hitched or before involving children in the picture, then you are either bound to live by the definition of madness and repeat the list mistake all over again or consider rebelling and actually consider the guy who doesn’t work in a multinational company –you might learn about he is happy running a photography teaching business- .

Get to know the soul you are dealing with and see if there is a chance you can like sharing your life with them, see if you can trust them with your secrets. Before you ask which party she is voting for, ask her about the aches she went through in the revolution. Before wondering about his resume, ask him about the books he read and discuss them with him. Trust me, these are the things that really matters. Replace your fancy restaurant dates with a cooking class -learning something new together will get you to know each other better-, okay have a fancy date every once and a while. The point is, get to experience the person you think you a spark with and don’t feel like you are on a deadline to find someone. Don’t let society define you, or tells you what success and happiness look like. At the end of the day, if you are miserable; then you probably won’t find anybody to blame but you. Screw that checklist!