everything about breaking up

Is it true that it would take me 50% of the relationship timing to get over it? cause if this is true then some of us are really screwed! If we need over a year and I don't think anybody can last that long in misery.

 I have a new theory, think about the first period or the first day in any relationship see how much hope and excitment you had think about the amount of joy u were in take that and multiple it by a 100 then you will get the amount of misery anger and sadness you will be in when you are at the end or at the last day 

The problem is that it's the break up it's the I'm over u part it's that I'm gonna be with someone else part that I'm gonna give that person everything I didn't give u part it's that I'm gonna be different with them cause they are different than you

Regardless of that person you probably don't know you will think 1000s of times before u can be happy again you will calculate every thing you did in the relationship and come up with 100s of hypothesis about how you are wrong or he is wrong but at the end it doesn't matter because he have moved on and quickly and he made it formal 

This is not sex and city, A because you don't have Carrey's closet and B because u will never date a big cause bigs need a lot of work and a little dignity and you need a lot of work and a lot of dignity 

While u hit rock bottom with no makeup touching your face your eyes and lips all swallon from crying for days your throat is dry and u r keeping ur hair as neat as possible so nobody notices at work u will look at yourself and feel lost you will feel worthless and you will tumble between wanting the night to end because u can't sleep and wanting the day to end because u can't socialize or work

U have hurt ppl before and u have been let down before but this one is recent and this means u don't see the future in it u don't see the new u in it and u don't see the new guy in it 

Speaking of the new guy, u can't find that one soon and u won't be as fast in trading happiness like your ex -yes he's your ex now-  but u can't stop thinking about his possibility 

I will give u one tip that u should live by don't make ur life revolve around him because u r the center of your life

The Checklist

When introduced to the opposite sex, for the first time; we are not quite sure how to react under the speculations we have heard from our parents. Due that being in the early years, we tend to either rebel by being friends with everybody or conform to be friends with the neat, cute, rich kids. As the years go by and our behavior gets standardized, we conform more and more to what society tells us. The brainwashing forces are everywhere, it’s what we see on TV, what we learn from our parents, what we hear from our friends and people we want to be friends with. All of these armies are united to impose an idea of who you should be in order to be considered good, successful or happy in life. One of the most important points of this shaped happiness is choosing your mate; this is when you think you need the checklist in your life.

 After graduation and sometimes during college or even high school; you are faced with the fact that everyone who thinks they are a stakeholder in your life tells you that you should be married. If marriage is considered a mission, one is ought to be ready with a criteria that will aid them filter through subjects  and follow certain processes. The criteria are often slightly changeable based on social standard and gender, but quite common in some basic aspects and quite organized to form a checklist. If you are a girl, your checklist probably has the following points: someone who is well off, a good university, a nice family, a job in a multinational corporation, good looks, an open mind and what not. If you are a guy, you most likely have these points on your list: a virgin who comes from a good family, a good education, good looks and so on. They might sound shallow, but even if their political direction is on the list; it’s still a checklist.

This checklist that everyone is walking around evaluating potential mates upon results in a set of behaviors for selection and performance conducted in the dating jungle we call 20’s and 30’s. The girls are usually rolling their eyes on any guy who earns less than a certain amount of money; they’re laughing at the bad jokes of wealthy guys and they are withholding intimacy as a symbol of honor. The guys on the other hand are throwing away any opportunity that comes with a girl who doesn’t fit their beauty standard or maybe using her till something better comes along, they are judging a girl who studied music as air headed and they think they made the smart choice by proposing to the girl who is ready to leave her job and stay home. That’s why it’s perfectly normal to ask “a girl’s hand in marriage” after seeing her a couple of times or accepting a “groom” based on your mom’s recommendation.

These choices might seem senseless, unwise and maybe even evil; but mostly the checklist holder isn't aware of that. While putting the criteria; a status is mistaken for a virtue, for example, rich is mistaken for generous, a big job is mistaken ambition, virginity is mistaken for purity and good looks are just good looks. It’s easier and faster to measure college education rather than knowledge, and it becomes more convenient for the mission that is bound to happen before you are 30 if you are woman and 35 if you are a man. The marriage mission that entails being happy for the rest of your life and is a part of your success according to the society norms, you know something to brag about in high school reunions and a couple of lavish family vacation pictures on your Instagram.

The problem is, while being consumed with the mission; one might miss on a journey of experiments.  The big shot list stands between a person and meeting interesting individuals who fall out of criteria because the checklist is covering the eye of the beholder. You might be lucky to unveil the real virtues of that potential mate before getting hitched or before involving children in the picture, then you are either bound to live by the definition of madness and repeat the list mistake all over again or consider rebelling and actually consider the guy who doesn’t work in a multinational company –you might learn about he is happy running a photography teaching business- .

Get to know the soul you are dealing with and see if there is a chance you can like sharing your life with them, see if you can trust them with your secrets. Before you ask which party she is voting for, ask her about the aches she went through in the revolution. Before wondering about his resume, ask him about the books he read and discuss them with him. Trust me, these are the things that really matters. Replace your fancy restaurant dates with a cooking class -learning something new together will get you to know each other better-, okay have a fancy date every once and a while. The point is, get to experience the person you think you a spark with and don’t feel like you are on a deadline to find someone. Don’t let society define you, or tells you what success and happiness look like. At the end of the day, if you are miserable; then you probably won’t find anybody to blame but you. Screw that checklist!