When introduced to the opposite sex, for the first time; we
are not quite sure how to react under the speculations we have heard from our
parents. Due that being in the early years, we tend to either rebel by being
friends with everybody or conform to be friends with the neat, cute, rich kids.
As the years go by and our behavior gets standardized, we conform more and more
to what society tells us. The brainwashing forces are everywhere, it’s what we
see on TV, what we learn from our parents, what we hear from our friends and people
we want to be friends with. All of these armies are united to impose an idea of
who you should be in order to be considered good, successful or happy in life.
One of the most important points of this shaped happiness is choosing your
mate; this is when you think you need the checklist in your life.
After graduation and
sometimes during college or even high school; you are faced with the fact that
everyone who thinks they are a stakeholder in your life tells you that you
should be married. If marriage is considered a mission, one is ought to be
ready with a criteria that will aid them filter through subjects and follow certain processes. The criteria are
often slightly changeable based on social standard and gender, but quite common
in some basic aspects and quite organized to form a checklist. If you are a girl,
your checklist probably has the following points: someone who is well off, a
good university, a nice family, a job in a multinational corporation, good
looks, an open mind and what not. If you are a guy, you most likely have these
points on your list: a virgin who comes from a good family, a good education,
good looks and so on. They might sound shallow, but even if their political
direction is on the list; it’s still a checklist.
This checklist that everyone is walking around evaluating
potential mates upon results in a set of behaviors for selection and
performance conducted in the dating jungle we call 20’s and 30’s. The girls are
usually rolling their eyes on any guy who earns less than a certain amount of
money; they’re laughing at the bad jokes of wealthy guys and they are
withholding intimacy as a symbol of honor. The guys on the other hand are
throwing away any opportunity that comes with a girl who doesn’t fit their
beauty standard or maybe using her till something better comes along, they are
judging a girl who studied music as air headed and they think they made the
smart choice by proposing to the girl who is ready to leave her job and stay
home. That’s why it’s perfectly normal to ask “a girl’s hand in marriage” after
seeing her a couple of times or accepting a “groom” based on your mom’s
recommendation.
These choices might seem senseless, unwise and maybe even
evil; but mostly the checklist holder isn't aware of that. While putting the
criteria; a status is mistaken for a virtue, for example, rich is mistaken for
generous, a big job is mistaken ambition, virginity is mistaken for purity and
good looks are just good looks. It’s easier and faster to measure college
education rather than knowledge, and it becomes more convenient for the mission
that is bound to happen before you are 30 if you are woman and 35 if you are a
man. The marriage mission that entails being happy for the rest of your life
and is a part of your success according to the society norms, you know
something to brag about in high school reunions and a couple of lavish family
vacation pictures on your Instagram.
The problem is, while being consumed with the mission; one
might miss on a journey of experiments.
The big shot list stands between a person and meeting interesting
individuals who fall out of criteria because the checklist is covering the eye
of the beholder. You might be lucky to unveil the real virtues of that
potential mate before getting hitched or before involving children in the
picture, then you are either bound to live by the definition of madness and
repeat the list mistake all over again or consider rebelling and actually
consider the guy who doesn’t work in a multinational company –you might learn
about he is happy running a photography teaching business- .
Get to know the soul you are dealing with and see if there
is a chance you can like sharing your life with them, see if you can trust them
with your secrets. Before you ask which party she is voting for, ask her about
the aches she went through in the revolution. Before wondering about his
resume, ask him about the books he read and discuss them with him. Trust me, these are the things that really matters. Replace your
fancy restaurant dates with a cooking class -learning something new together will get you to know each other better-, okay have a fancy date every once
and a while. The point is, get to experience the person you think you a spark
with and don’t feel like you are on a deadline to find someone. Don’t let
society define you, or tells you what success and happiness look like. At the
end of the day, if you are miserable; then you probably won’t find anybody to
blame but you. Screw that checklist!
